A Little Revisionist History

I love Sarah Palin. Now, don’t get me wrong… I love her not because I think she’s a viable choice for political office, I love her because she flings fodder for jokes like a farmer spreads manure on his fields. It’s deep and rich and so deliciously smelly.

Sarah had a little trouble remembering her 5th grade history this week. She had Paul Revere warning the BRITISH that the AMERICANS were coming, which puts him in the category not of “True American Hero” but of traitor, kind of like “that eggs benedict guy”, as I heard one friend proclaim, lumping Paul Revere with Benedict Arnold. It wasn’t just a slip of the tongue, it was a mangling of one of the first pieces of history we all learned (or, perhaps, didn’t learn) in grade school.

I'm gonna change things just a skosh, ok?

In honor of Sarah, I’ve rewritten a famous poem. The original, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow sums up Paul Revere’s famous “the British are coming, the British are coming” ride as follows:

The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere

Listen, my children, and you shall hear

Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,

On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;

Hardly a man is now alive

Who remembers that famous day and year.

He said to his friend, “If the British march


By land or sea from the town to-night,


Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch


Of the North Church tower as a signal light,


One, if by land, and two, if by sea;


And I on the opposite shore will be,


Ready to ride and spread the alarm


Through every Middlesex village and farm,


For the country folk to be up and to arm.

But, that’s not it at all, according to Sarah. No, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow has it all wrong. In honor of my gal pal Sarah, I’ve rewritten the poem (and history) to reflect what she sees as truth.

Listen, Americans, and I’ll revise

Our history, because I’m so wise.

You know Paul Revere, back in the day

Got on his horse and rode the other way

To warn the British that it would not be ok

To take our arms and… you know… other stuff.

He rang the bells and shot his gun

And faced those Brits down, one by one.

“We will be secure and free!”

Cried he, cried he.

And that’s kind of how it was,

You see.

Here’s a link to USA Today’s short piece about Sarah’s flub, including her words: USA Today

And here’s a link to information about Paul Revere, including a scan of an original manuscript describing events leading up to and including the historical and critical midnight ride.