Born Feet First

A Little Revisionist History

Posted by BornFeetFirst on June 4, 2011

I love Sarah Palin. Now, don’t get me wrong… I love her not because I think she’s a viable choice for political office, I love her because she flings fodder for jokes like a farmer spreads manure on his fields. It’s deep and rich and so deliciously smelly.

Sarah had a little trouble remembering her 5th grade history this week. She had Paul Revere warning the BRITISH that the AMERICANS were coming, which puts him in the category not of “True American Hero” but of traitor, kind of like “that eggs benedict guy”, as I heard one friend proclaim, lumping Paul Revere with Benedict Arnold. It wasn’t just a slip of the tongue, it was a mangling of one of the first pieces of history we all learned (or, perhaps, didn’t learn) in grade school.

I'm gonna change things just a skosh, ok?

In honor of Sarah, I’ve rewritten a famous poem. The original, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow sums up Paul Revere’s famous “the British are coming, the British are coming” ride as follows:

The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere
Listen, my children, and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.
He said to his friend, “If the British march

By land or sea from the town to-night,

Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch

Of the North Church tower as a signal light,

One, if by land, and two, if by sea;

And I on the opposite shore will be,

Ready to ride and spread the alarm

Through every Middlesex village and farm,

For the country folk to be up and to arm.

But, that’s not it at all, according to Sarah. No, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow has it all wrong. In honor of my gal pal Sarah, I’ve rewritten the poem (and history) to reflect what she sees as truth.

Listen, Americans, and I’ll revise
Our history, because I’m so wise.
You know Paul Revere, back in the day
Got on his horse and rode the other way
To warn the British that it would not be ok
To take our arms and… you know… other stuff.
He rang the bells and shot his gun
And faced those Brits down, one by one.
“We will be secure and free!”
Cried he, cried he.
And that’s kind of how it was,
You see.

Here’s a link to USA Today’s short piece about Sarah’s flub, including her words: USA Today

And here’s a link to information about Paul Revere, including a scan of an original manuscript describing events leading up to and including the historical and critical midnight ride.

4 Responses to “A Little Revisionist History”

  1. Kristin said

    Quite amazing! And your poetry is the best-thanks for the chuckle.

  2. Carol Anne said

    You and USA Today are simply more examples of the liberal media trying to dupe the public!

  3. charity said

    Your rewrite is amazing! Love it!

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